I collect nothing

I've never been a collector of anything, maybe with the exception of books & even then I don't keep them, I just give them away.  I never collected anything because I never wanted to be bothered with moving it around, dusting it or keeping it up or whatever else people do when they collect something.

But today I'm sitting here in my office & have realized that I apparently collect signs & quirky things people have written....and not by choice, either (well, I guess maybe kinda by choice).  But I guess it started a couple of years ago & my collection has taken on a life of its own (this is the part that is not in my control--people literally go out of their way to bring me the signs they find).  And the problem is that they're kind of morbid/dark humored & some people don't find them as amusing as I do.  But what the hell do they know?  Lighten up, asshole (some corporate people are such shitheads & I wonder how I ever got picked to be here, LMAO, because I certainly don't follow the rules). 

So the ones I'm looking at are all hanging in my office or they're propped up in my office.  They are all either from co-workers or ones I found while at work. Of course I have your everyday STOP sign (no it isn't stolen).  Then I have a huge red, metal sign that says "NO SMOKING or carrying of lighted material BEYOND THIS POINT" (you got that, buddy?  Put out that cigarette before you stand in that puddle of gasoline).  Then I have a huge one that says "WARNING NO TRESPASSING contaminated area under environmental remediation" (so basically, if you lick the dirt, you'll die.  But you probably deserve it for being such a dumbfuck who would lick the dirt in the first place).  And it tells you who to call for info...The next one says "CAUTION! Any area within this this mill may contain radioactive material" (Um, it *may* contain radioactive material?  WTF?  Well ok.  Guess I'll take my chances but since there's A SIGN, I'm guessing there *is* radioactive material).  Then there's the "NOTICE--WASH STATION" sign that appeared as if from nowhere....not sure if it was supposed to be an insult but I'll take it anyway.  And let's not forget "UV RADIATION WEAR GLASSES" (does that mean I should be wearing glasses whenever I'm in the sun, too?  Is it referring to UVA or UVB & which one is better for you cuz I'm guessing that's NOT the one the sign is referring to).  Then I have my beloved "WARNING CONTAMINATED WITH MERCURY DO NOT EAT THE FISH (CATCH & RELEASE)"  Well, uh, if there's that much mercury in the water, I don't think we'll be fishing there at all.  I mean really.  Here boys, here's your fishing poles....don't touch the water, though.  You *might* die.  No biggie.  And the "CAUTION, CONFINED SPACE, ENTER BY PERMIT ONLY".  Who, exactly, issues said permit?  Is there a "Confined Space Issuing Office"?  What happens if I sneak in there without a permit?  I won't bore you with more (there are lots more) but I will bore you with some pics of my signs (and some that aren't mine)....and these are just the ones at work.  I have more at home.

Yeah, I know...it's not a sign, it's a picture of a sign but it's still funny (and hangs just outside my office)

Do not lick the floor tile, either.

Don't lick the pipes.  GEEZ!!!  We can't do ANYTHING fun around here....

I just thought this was funny.

Read the very bottom line (I wish the owner would mail this to me)

Just thought it was funny.  Emily is very very mad.

I literally laughed out loud.

Another sign that I covet.

I don't even know what to say.