Huh? What? I didn't do it. It wasn't me.

It's all over & done.  The birthday, Halloween, surviving 5 kids over the weekend, trick-or-treating, candy, costumes, blah blah blah.  It's D.O.N.E.  That means I woke up in a pretty good mood for a Monday.  :)  I've learned a few things, however, and feel that I should share:

I was not meant to have five kids.  I am not jealous of anyone who does have five kids.  Kudos to you, but no.  Here was the dynamic for the weekend:  We had two 11yo boys & three 7yo's.  Two boys & a girl.  So we had 4 boys & a girl.  That's just the right combination to make life miserable interesting.  The two older boys were content to hang out & play video games....until the laser in the Xbox (I think that's what it is...maybe it's a Wii?) anyway the laser broke.  And BURNED a perfect circle into the brand new video game that HB got for his b-day.

I suspect the game console was kicked or hit by a 7yo.  Just sayin.  But no one confessed.  Are you as shocked by that as I was?

Do not go grocery shopping with three 7yo's.  Before you leave the store, everyone in there will know all the kids' names & think that their last name is "Getoverherenow!" as a "goddammit!" is muttered under your breath.  The shoppers will think you're a terrible mother who has no control over her children.  Once you leave the store, you're pretty sure there was a collective sigh of relief along with applause.  At this point, you & your bf/gf will *maybe* begin to speak to each other again.  MAYBE.

When I cook a meal, you will eat it or go hungry.  I have neither the time nor the patience for your whining.  I don't give a shit if you're used to having your very own short-order cook.  I am not one of them.  Besides, it's freakin tator-tot casserole.  Shut up & eat it or go to bed hungry.  I bet you'll have an appetite when it's time to eat Halloween candy, huh?

FYI--seven year olds say "shit" & "fuck" when they think you can't hear them.  And they use them in the right context.  I just thought you should know.

One girl can out-whine four boys.  Thank you to whomever it is that gave me boys.  You certainly knew what you were doing.

No I will not take them to (the equivalent of) Chuck E Cheese.  Those places are disgusting & I'm not spending $150ish bucks on five kids so we can leave with a buck's worth of "prizes".  No. 

How come they all go deaf when it's time to clean up a messy room or when they're asked how something got broken?  I hope that medical research will provide an answer soon.

And here's a hypothetical question...has nothing to do with kids...

Say you found a cute plastic ring (it's red & says XOXO in blue) & you put it on cuz you liked it.  And you're laying in bed with your bf/gf joking about it being an engagement ring (cuz we're goofy like that) & then you decide your facebook status should be about your engagement ring (cuz it's funny, dammit!) & then you change your relationship status to "engaged" & people start posting congrats & when's the date questions....and you respond & say the date is 2-30-11....would you believe it?


  1. Am I supposed to be laughing at the ring part? 'cause that is LMAO worthy. Glad you survived the 5 kid-ween. :)

  2. It's good to know that kids curse when they think U aren't listening. I'll be on the look out for that as soon as I have my first kid. parenting frightens me,